Source: http://mummynew.blogspot.com/2011/01/bg-goes-to-cbeebies-screening.html
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Let's do this bitch
I've been feeling a lot better later. Lighter. More focused. I'm still jobless, but at least I don't feel like I'm slogging through waist-high mud anymore.
People have suggested meds for this bullshit, but it's situational, not quite yet chemically based. I know the difference. Not that I'm against meds -- oh, definitely not -- but a job-a-day will definitely get these blues to go away. That and signed paperwork and a big step f.o.r.w.a.r.d. So, yeah. No meds required... just yet.
Basically, I'd be a really bad lottery winner. I need shit to do and I'm rather bad at finding things when I'm paralyzed with fear and sadness. Funny how that works. But I'm managing. Applying to jobs as I find them; dreaming up an Etsy storefront (anyone want small paintings of random flowers by an amateur artist??); watching marathons of Murder, She Wrote; crying and laughing (way more laughing, by the way -- I'm too dead inside to cry); spending lots of time with Rooster and Hawk on off-weeks, savoring every second of my on-weeks.
Speaking of Rooster, we went to Hawk's first-ever parent-teacher conference the other day. Here are some highlights as told by Hawk himself (well, not really himself, but you get the gist):
Yesterday my sister told me she thinks I should start "hustling." I wish it meant getting dates, because that'd be awesome. But alas, she meant jobs. However, I've decided that I'm somewhat reliving my 20s, but in a much smarter way. I mean, just look at this picture of me and my BFF. Don't I look super smart? The cigarette really proves it. Can I get a job from being colossally cool on a Saturday night?
So, my next big project is to update this site. It needs a new look and definitely a new tag line (I came up with that one during a crying jag - so lame). Man, I gotta update my BlogHer profile and my FB one, too, now that I think of it.
Also, this blog is going to see more of me. As in ME. Not Mommy Jessica or Feminist Jessica or Natural Parent Jessica. I mean, they're all in there, but I've decided to let more of the ribald, crass, grown-up in me come out, too. It'll be like a French braid of feminism, parenting, pscyhotherapeutic rhetoric, and cussing. I hope you'll like it. I wish I could somehow make this site into a sex column and answer everyone's sex and relationship questions, though. Non-sequitur you say? Nah, not really. I'm surprisingly good at that kind of stuff and I think it goes with everything else seamlessly.
Ok! Coffee's kicking in. Time to dress and tackle the day, my couch, my life, and the world!
People have suggested meds for this bullshit, but it's situational, not quite yet chemically based. I know the difference. Not that I'm against meds -- oh, definitely not -- but a job-a-day will definitely get these blues to go away. That and signed paperwork and a big step f.o.r.w.a.r.d. So, yeah. No meds required... just yet.
Basically, I'd be a really bad lottery winner. I need shit to do and I'm rather bad at finding things when I'm paralyzed with fear and sadness. Funny how that works. But I'm managing. Applying to jobs as I find them; dreaming up an Etsy storefront (anyone want small paintings of random flowers by an amateur artist??); watching marathons of Murder, She Wrote; crying and laughing (way more laughing, by the way -- I'm too dead inside to cry); spending lots of time with Rooster and Hawk on off-weeks, savoring every second of my on-weeks.
Season 3, ep. 8: "Magnum on Ice."
Speaking of Rooster, we went to Hawk's first-ever parent-teacher conference the other day. Here are some highlights as told by Hawk himself (well, not really himself, but you get the gist):
- I eat at just about any opportunity (both snack times and lunch) and I eat each piece of my lunch separately (chips, then sandwich, then fruit, but never a little of each all at once)
- I have forgone the pre-nap hug-n-kiss instead preferring to just go to my mat with a book
- I get along with all the kids and have begun sticking up for myself when someone snags a toy (?Hey! That?s mine! I was playing that!) whereas I used to just stand there bewildered
- Fleur and I will often have to be separated at nap time because we like to just stare at each other while holding hands instead of sleeping
- I frequently compliment the female teachers on their outfits to great appreciation of my observations
- I always like to help a teacher out and answer, ?Of course!? when asked
- I usually nap, but Hannah can?t figure out what the combination is that makes it so
- I love the ?Jump Up!? song
- I am particularly good at the ?Guess What Animal This Is? game and it?s also my favorite
- If Hannah can?t find me, I?m usually in the sand pile
- Once, when Keenan kept hitting me and I finally hit him back, I got upset and Hannah had to reassure me that I wasn?t in trouble (though, hitting is never encouraged)
- I don?t share my food (as a rule), but I will occasionally ask someone else to share and then I?ll give something back in exchange
- I really take eating seriously: no funny business. Just sitting and eating. No playing and running around
- Hannah can always count on me to be mellow and stable. I?m sometimes the only kid in Dungeon room who goes quietly to his mat before nap time.
- I also just use the ba�o. I don?t play in it
We also went to the Houston Space Station (or whatever it's called). Oh. my. god. I don't even care about space except that it's beautiful and fun to look at and imagine about, but I was still awed by some shit. Especially that Saturn V rocket thing. Wow. I mean, as a kid I liked the planets mostly because they were pretty -- not because of the science -- but building something that massive that flies to outer space?? Pretty fucking cool. Even for this artsy, loved-English-assignments kid.
Did you know they put Model Ts on the moon? Either that or this is just a bad Grapes of Wrath re-enactment.
Space shuttle landing, natch.
Really. Who looks more excited to be here? He might have said something about how he's been "waiting my whole life for this moment!"
Saturn V engines.
So, my next big project is to update this site. It needs a new look and definitely a new tag line (I came up with that one during a crying jag - so lame). Man, I gotta update my BlogHer profile and my FB one, too, now that I think of it.
Also, this blog is going to see more of me. As in ME. Not Mommy Jessica or Feminist Jessica or Natural Parent Jessica. I mean, they're all in there, but I've decided to let more of the ribald, crass, grown-up in me come out, too. It'll be like a French braid of feminism, parenting, pscyhotherapeutic rhetoric, and cussing. I hope you'll like it. I wish I could somehow make this site into a sex column and answer everyone's sex and relationship questions, though. Non-sequitur you say? Nah, not really. I'm surprisingly good at that kind of stuff and I think it goes with everything else seamlessly.
Ok! Coffee's kicking in. Time to dress and tackle the day, my couch, my life, and the world!
Source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/ThisIsWorthwhile/~3/91W2Nnqm5Pc/lets-do-this-helloooooo-jessica.html
No air
After two and a half hours of laborious attention to detail there is a heavy silence in the room. The voices have stilled.
I have just agreed to the final stipulation.
It is a heavy, vibrating space. My mind blank and rustling in the breeze of the previous emotion; a shivering leaf in the moment before the heavens bear down.
My lawyer looks at me. "Are you ok?"
"Yes," I answer with stolen breath.
She looks at Rooster. "Are you ok?"
"Yeah," he says.
"Ok," her mouth moves. And in a moment that lasts an eternity later I hear:
"It's done."
A giant, silent gavel slams down with thunderous finality sucking the oxygen out of the well-lit and sparsely decorated room. Like a vacuum on the cavity of my body all breath is whipped from me; snatched like a baby in harm's way.
"It's done" echos through the remains; rattles in the cage of my heart; tells me to fuck off.
I can't breathe. I fight tears. Her face is kind, sorrow-filled. Rooster is calm, enviously still.
I struggle to compose myself, busy myself with papers, a drink of water. They begin to talk. My eyes fill with salty tears. I lose one down my hot cheek. Perhaps two.
I focus on their voices, the timbres, the syllables. One, two, two, three, pause, etc. Lilting noise keeps me anchored lest I fly away in a swirl of regret and pain and bullshit.
I can do this: I will not feel.
I will not.
Later.
Maybe.
maybe.
I have just agreed to the final stipulation.
It is a heavy, vibrating space. My mind blank and rustling in the breeze of the previous emotion; a shivering leaf in the moment before the heavens bear down.
My lawyer looks at me. "Are you ok?"
"Yes," I answer with stolen breath.
She looks at Rooster. "Are you ok?"
"Yeah," he says.
"Ok," her mouth moves. And in a moment that lasts an eternity later I hear:
"It's done."
A giant, silent gavel slams down with thunderous finality sucking the oxygen out of the well-lit and sparsely decorated room. Like a vacuum on the cavity of my body all breath is whipped from me; snatched like a baby in harm's way.
"It's done" echos through the remains; rattles in the cage of my heart; tells me to fuck off.
I can't breathe. I fight tears. Her face is kind, sorrow-filled. Rooster is calm, enviously still.
I struggle to compose myself, busy myself with papers, a drink of water. They begin to talk. My eyes fill with salty tears. I lose one down my hot cheek. Perhaps two.
I focus on their voices, the timbres, the syllables. One, two, two, three, pause, etc. Lilting noise keeps me anchored lest I fly away in a swirl of regret and pain and bullshit.
I can do this: I will not feel.
I will not.
Later.
Maybe.
maybe.
Source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/ThisIsWorthwhile/~3/CeVVw7A4cHk/no-air.html
Giveaway: What Not to Say $12 ARV {8/23 US/CAN}
This is a joint giveaway with Code Name: Mama and Natural Parents Network. You may enter at one site only. Please find the section marked “Win it!” for the mandatory main entry and optional bonus entries. Have You Ever Heard One of These Phrases Come Out of Your Mouth? “Because...
Source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/CodeNameMama/~3/eOedC6c40Lc/
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